Monitoring the rebellion among our aquatic cousins

In which we cast a wary eye upon those creatures of the deep which are out to kill us and drink our sweet, sweet land-mammal juices.

At home with the Platypus. A play in one act

Dramatis Personae Mr Geoffrey Platypus, a platypus Mrs Edina Platypus, his wife of three years Act 1 Night time, Platypus Burrow. An imitation log fire flickers. Mr and Mrs P are on the imitation leather sofa. An open bottle of wine is before them, and is nearly empty. Their body language suggests a certain...friskiness Mr P: Hey baby. You're looking hot tonight. What say we, get a... little closer [waggles eyebrows, puts on chicka bow wow record] Mrs P: Oooh, charmer Mr P: I'm in the mood for a little duck-billed, flat tailed action, baby. It's between June and October, and you know what that means Mrs P: I...

Just because I haven't been posting about it recently...

... doesn't mean the ocean is not a seething pool of deadliness. I mean it. To whit, yet another diver has been sorely fucked over by a stingray. So, folks, let's just get something straight. Keep Out Of The Ocean

The whales are fighting back

A Japanese fisherman has been killed by a Whale at Uwajima Bay in Japan. Said fisherman was, apparently, 'rescuing' the whale. Sure. I 'rescued' a really nice sandwich just a little while ago. It was tasty. Let's face it, if I were a whale, and I saw a Japanese guy in a boat heading towards me, my fight-or-flight instincts would kick in, big time. Here's what I imagine went through the whale's mind, slight nod to Douglas Adams. "Ooh, nice bay. hmm. think I'll have a look round". "Wait up, I'm a little lost now. how do I get out of here?" "Ooh, I'm a bit lost...

Cower, Mortals....

... for I am CTHULHU! Continuing on the squid meme, this is from today's Herald. ScienceBlogs of course had this a while ago.

My SQ is 142.75

How's yours? found via the ever-fascinating Pharyngula Additional: I want one of these: My Little Cthulhu.

Breaking the drought

No, I'm not talking about Morris Iemma's water plan, it's just that it's been a while since my last blog entry, so I figured I'd drop in a quick update on what's been going on. I've got back to climbing full-bore after an ankle injury and a separate tendon injury gained in December, with a trip to The Balkans (specifically The Frontline) this weekend heralding a return to V4+ bouldering territory, knocking off MIssile Silo, soft V4 (again) and Snakebite, V4 along with a whole swathe of V3s and V2s and a good crank on Berlin Blockade V5, which was too hot and greasy by...

It should already be perfectly obvious...

... what I'm going to say about this. A diver gets chomped, then spat out by a 3m White Pointer Shark (aka Great White Shark, aka fucking JAWS). Eric Nerhus, a 41 year old abalone diver, was happily swimming along when the shark, apparently mistaking him for a seal, grabbed him by the head and attempted to munch on down. Luckily Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw happened to be passing by in their boat the 'Orca' and rescued the man with the help of an air tank and a Lee Enfield rifle... No wait, that's wrong. Nerhus stabbed the shark with...

Jellyfish out to get us now

Humanity is increasingly besieged. Stingrays, Sharks, Octopodes* and now Jellyfish are all making a play for your sweet sweet humanflesh. Twice as many people were stung by jellyfish in 2006 as in the previous year. It's all part of a growing trend among things which live in water, who are increasingly trying to kill us in new and horrifying ways. For more information on venomous marine creatures, see Marine Medic, paying particular attention to the excellent clinical descriptions of Chironex envenomation, and stay out of the water, you fools! And in other news, the Steve Irwin Deathumentary is screening here in Aus...

The reasons just keep stacking up

That is, reasons to stay out of the bloody ocean. Today's SMH reports on a 3m+ Crocodile, yes Crocodile, which attacked an of-duty policeman in Torres Strait. And then there's this asshole:  Really, guys, if it lives in water, and it's not already dead and ready to eat, leave it the hell alone.

One more reason not to go in there

[found via Pharyngula] Yes, that's a 4.5m Pacific Giant Octopus. A phenomenal sight to behold I have no doubt, But I can't help thinking of It Came From Beneath the Sea. Nature is a wonderful thing but if it lives in the sea and is big enough/poisonous enough/dangerous enough to do me some serious harm, you can keep it. Really. In other news: Stingray! Stingray! (tadada dada!)

I keep warning people, but does the message get out?

There are things in the sea that want to eat you. It's a fact.. What's more, they're really really good at moving around in the water, whereas we, as terrestrial bipedal mammals, are not. We're just ready-to-eat meals-on-the-go for today's busy shark lifestyle. Stay out of the water!

Another stingray attack

They're trying to tell us something, and that something is: "stay the fuck out of the water" And be thankful this bastard isn't around any more.

I tell you, they're out to get us

The ever trusty SMH (yes, I know, I read little else it seems) is reporting that sharks are coming closer and closer to the shoreline as a consequence of rising water temperatures. Guys, I've already sounded the clarion call. You don't have to pretend any more. It's not 'due to rising temperatures'. You're in denial. They're coming closer in because they're amassing their forces for the forthcoming invasion. They're not content with having the deep ocean to themselves - they're out to reclaim the inshore zones too. Stay out of the water, mark my words. Remember what happened to Steve Irwin!

Steve was just the first, I told you so

Stingray leaps on boat, stabs man in chest. Face it. It doesn't get more obvious than this. The invasion has begun, with Stingrays at its vanguard. We've been fucking about in their realm for too long. Sea creatures have seen one too many fat bastard human picking the cozzie out of his ass-cheeks, and now they're out for revenge. They're coming! Keep out of the water. Mark my words. On a lighter note, I dig the headline. Can't help but visualise a stingray clutching a flickknife, with a bandana on, shouting “Gimme the money man, gimme the fucking money!!”

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