This past weekend in Melbourne two packs of non-Tooth Fairy believing heathen monsters gathered for festivals of depravity and sin.
The Global Atheist Convention brought 4000 avowed non-Tooth-Fairy believers together in an orgiastic bachanal of tooth-fairyless hate, and at the same time, the Reason for Faith rally brought together a number of so-called "christian churches" - actually a sinister cult whose main precepts deny the existence of our saving lady the Tooth Fairy (may blessings be upon her wand) - in a sick and depraved ritual of Tooth-Fairy denial.
| The holy sacraments
We need to respond to this, for the sake of our children. Does not the very appearance of sacred tooth money make the Tooth Fairy's existence plain for all to see? Do our children not deserve to live in a world where used dental waste can form a strong and vital part of the childhood economy? Does it mean nothing that adherents partake of holy communion with the Tooth Fairy in bedrooms all across the land, offering up their sincerely and freely-given dental matter in exchange for a shiny 50c coin? Does not "tooth" rhyme almost perfectly with "truth" in some accents??
Friends, The Reason for Faith rally would have us believe that an archaic middle-eastern sky god is the only source of supernatural largesse - though obviously such an inferior god can't provide fiscal benefits directly as our loving god does. Worse, the Global Atheist Convention denies even that. Those sick, sick bastards.
Help us fight against this depravity. If you too see reason to believe in the tooth fairy, make the sign of the holy pliers, hold aloft your holy worship pillow, tweet on the hashtag #reasonfortooth and join us in TAKING BACK AUSTRALIA FOR THE TOOTH FAIRY!!