National Yell "Get a Fucking Job" at a Priest Day

What do you mean, other skills?

Please join me in declaring today, the 5th of July 2011, the first ever National Yell "Get a Fucking Job" at a Priest Day.

I, myself, do enjoy occasionally blurting such missives at the clergy. For example, this morning as I passed an unsuspecting black-clad dress-wearing clerical gentleman on my morning commute, I took a deep breath, readied my vocal chords and declared, in a loud clear voice through the open window of my car, "GET A FUCKING JOB"*.

I'm sure he has taken on board the careers advice from the kindly fellow in the speeding red car and is even now down at Centrelink, searching the vacancies board for something rewarding, remunerative and, most importantly, unrelated to telling lies and extorting donations based on the carrot of an imaginary afterlife and the stick of a non-existent hell for a living.

It is hoped that this special day, to be held annually on this date, will remind members of the public of their responsibility to dispense advisory messages to priests on a more regular basis, whether it be on the street, at the supermarket, or at church. Once the message is firmly implanted in the minds of the public, we hope that priests, vergers, rectors, bishops, archbishops and deacons will begin to heed the message that their industry is no longer relevant to the world at large and that they may be of more use to society as, say, shelf stackers, street sweepers, telesales assistants or first level technical support for budget PC manufacturers.

Further down the track, this campaign can be taken internationally, eventually reaching, for example, the populace of Rome, who are strongly encouraged to head at once to the Vatican, where they should proceed to yell "Nullam a eros" at the pontiff's window. Or "ottenere un lavoro". Or perhaps even "einen Job zu bekommen", since His Oiliness is in fact a German. And not a former senator from the old republican member planet of Naboo who took over the machinery of galactic government in a well-executed conspiracy, declaring himself 'emperor' and instituting a reign of conservative catholic values. Definitely not.

Remember, this is a pro-active campaign and it cannot bear fruit without the enthusiastic participation of you, the general public. Remember the three 'B's when you spot a likely clerical target:

  • Breathe (get a good lungful of air),
  • Bellow (shout as loudly as you can: "GET A FUCKING JOB") and
  • Beer (treat yourself, you've carried out a moral and ethical act).

You may, of course, substitute the more generic "Beverage" for the last 'B' if, like myself, you are participating in Dry July.

We look forward to a happy future when not even the lowliest subdeacon remains untouched by our message of gainful re-employment. From friar to pope, this message must be spread. To you we say "GET A FUCKING JOB"

Our eventual target is of course to achieve 100% re-employment for outgoing clergy, be they priest, vicar, imam or rabbi. They may, perhaps rightly, worry about their lack of real-world skills, but as we say here at NYGAFJAAPD headquarters, everyone has their own special skill. 

Just not in childcare, thank you very much.

 

 * It is important to note here that "fucking" is not used in its sense as a verb. Rather, as an adjectival stressor. We apologise for any confusion caused.

I feel I have passed a test...

... in that I did a Tom Waits cover and The Reverend Doktor Bob gave it a stamp of approval.

Tango Till They're Sore by StopThatAstronaut

Let me tell you. Half Man Half Biscuit covers are easy. I've been toying with Tom Waits material for an absolute age and haven't ever got one I'm even remotely happy with. Tom is too distinctive in writing, lyricism and delivery. And his choice of musicians and instruments (and of course his own playing style) makes it shockingly hard to take something of Tom's and not end up with a flat, dry, cardboard cutout of a cover version.

So that's why I was still up at 2:30am with this one. And it's still a mere shadow of what I'd like it to be.

Anyway, in other news, Dave The Happy Singer has launched a vicious, unprovoked SMEAR CAMPAIGN on my participation in Dry July this year, accusing me outright of a charm offensive to obtain golden tickets, thus subverting Dry July entirely.

Mr The Happy Singer has also responded indignantly to charges that his public statements do in fact constitute libel of the most vile kind, claiming that he is merely 'stating' what is 'true'. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you this:

What is it that a man may define as true? What, in this crazy universe of quantum uncertainty is actually true? Is it true that I am, in fact, enjoying the occasional delicious Shiraz Viognier on the dime of some kind benefactors, or is it true that I am a paragon of moral rectitude, heralding the flag of temperance in the great fight against cancer?

Perhaps, dear friends, the real truth lies* somewhere in between, in region where I am in a state of superposition, actually doing both at the same time? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we will never know unless you donate some money to my Dry July page and do so now.

I rest my case. 

 

* not that kind. The other kind.

 

«July»
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
262728293012
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31123456
 
Vaccination Saves Lives: Stop The Australian Vaccination Network
 
 
Say NO to the National School Chaplaincy Program