I'm a believer now

I mean, how could I fail to become a bible-believin' christian when presented with such infallible logic as this?


What, really?

Wow. Infallible, seriously.

So, I posted a response. I'm not convinced that David, a man who pre-moderates comments on his blog, will publish it. So I'm posting it here, for your delectation

Your comments on the OT are equally surprising. It is chock full of specific historical statements. You can go to the British Museum and read the cuneiform records from almost 3000 years ago of Assyrian monarchs that you read about in the Bible and so on.

Wait, what?

Wow.

You know, you're right. It's a book and it has some statements about people, places and artifacts in it that are real. Why didn't I think of this before? This is an insight of such power that I'm going to start applying it to my entire life. I mean, this is revolutionary logic. I'd never considered that before, that, you know... maybe some real things in books and other media might be an indication that everything else in the book is real. Seriously, I'd never thought of that.

For instance, I'm currently watching King Kong, the 1933 version. It has a rather accurate portrayal of the Empire State Building in it. Therefore...

Yes, therefore according to your logic...

I can hardly say it.....

The Empire State Building is real, therefore:

KING KONG IS REAL!!

OMFSM!

ALL HAIL THE GIANT APE! HE IS KONG! HE IS KONG!

Oh, I can see my life will be enhanced by this new logical approach, Oh, thank you David!!

Let me see if this works elsewhere...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moby_dick

Moby Dick by Herman Melville. Good book, first published in 1851. A bit long and rambly, perhaps, but some great action scenes. And hey, look, among other real scenarioes and characters, it contains a rather accurate portrayal of Nantucket.

Nantucket is a real place. Check it out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nantucket

Wow. This means the events of Moby Dick really happened. All of them.

ALL HAIL THE GREAT WHITE WHALE!! MAY HE BE SHOWERED WITH PLANKTON!!!

(Bonus, Moby Dick can also be used as a "Bible Code" source - http://cs.anu.edu.au/~bdm/dilugim/moby.html )

Wow. This is weird. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe I just happened to choose two accounts that I thought were fictional that turned out to be fact. OK, let's try it again, this time on a series of books I have to hand. They're clearly marked "fiction" on the cover, so this will be the real acid test of this wonderful new logic.

I'm so excited!

It's the Brentford Trilogy by Robert Rankin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brentford_Trilogy

Now, let me see...

Wow, what do you know... Brentford is a real place. It's, like, in West London. And the first novel, "The Antipope" features a reincarnated Rodrigo Borgia, aka Pope Alexander VI. He was a real historical personage. You can read about him at the British Museum. In, like, books.

One of the Brentford books features the Turin Shroud, which we know exists. You can see it, apparently, in Turin. Another features the Olympic Games. And they're real too. We had some in Sydney.

And wait, what?

Some of Rankin's novels feature Mornington Crescent Underground Station. I've been to Mornington Crescent. It's so real, I've touched it!

This is groundbreaking!!

ALL HAIL POOLEY AND OMALLY!! YEA, THEY ARE RISEN!! CLEARLY THIS IS A SIGN!!! MAY THEIR BLAKEY'D HEELS BE BLESSED!!

Thank you, David. You've made me a believer. Totally.



(btw, this whole scenario is so funny that just to make sure it sees the light of day, I've screenshotted your reply and copied this response, and I'll be publishing them later at my blog. I thought Tommy Cooper was the king of deadpan comedy - after all, when he died on stage people thought it was an act - but you've surpassed him. Be proud)

Honestly, I laughed most of the way home, then I laughed as I related this to Esther, and I laughed through typing my response. I'm still having a little laugh now. This is gold-standard, A-grade comedy.

But on a more serious note, this is the kind of inanity that passes for logic among the christian community. And they're allowed to vote. For fuck's sake.

posted @ Friday, December 10, 2010 9:22 PM

 
 
 

Comments on this entry:

# re: I'm a believer now

Left by bobblycuda at 12/11/2010 2:35 AM
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I had a similar discussion with a Christian at a screening of 'collision' (hosted by a baptist church group). He stated that because Jerusalem was a real place, Jesus must have been real. He then went on to say that because Jesus' body is not around today, like some Egyptian mummified remains or even accidental fossilisation/preservation, that is proof that he ascended to heaven. I almost face palmed!

# re: I'm a believer now

Left by Warren Bonett at 12/11/2010 12:02 PM
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Wait … are you saying Kong ISN'T real?! Noooo.

# re: I'm a believer now

Left by Shelley at 12/11/2010 7:52 PM
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Colour me stoked! I'm off to Willy Wonka's.

# re: I'm a believer now

Left by Michael at 12/13/2010 1:12 PM
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Hang on ...

Sleds are real.
As are chimneys, and reindeer.

This means ... n-o-o-o
... my parents LIED TO ME!
Santa is real!!!

Oh sh!t, is it too late to be good?
Comments have been closed on this topic.
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