A conversation in the garden

Scene: Garden of Eden. Newly built. Adam and Eve, sounding naive and newly minted, converse with God. Birdsong in background, gentle waters lapping.


God: So, Adam, Eve. You like it here?

Adam: Oh yeah, it's great!

Eve: Nice flowers!

G: Good, glad you like it. Took me days.

A: I'm quite fond of the trees.

E: Oh yeah, just look at the trees.

G: Yes, I like them myself, and speaking of trees, before I let you alone there's just one thing.

A: OK. What?

E: Oooh! Butterfly!

G: There's this one thing, right?

A: Ok....

G: There's a tree over there. With fruit on it

A: The big one?

G: Yes, the big one.

E: Right. It is big, isn't it?

G: Yes. Well, don't eat the fruit of it. It's the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It'll give you the knowledge of good and evil, and nobody wants that. Seriously guys. Knowledge of good and evil, not cool. OK? You don't have it now, you'll have it if you eat the fruit, end of story. No eating the fruit. This is important.

A: OK god! Just one question though.

G: Anything for you, Adam my lad!

A: Well, why shouldn't we eat the fruit, God?


[uncomfortable  pause]


G: Because, well... it would give you knowledge, and you'd be disobeying me, and that's what we call "bad".

A: Yeah, you said, but what does "bad" mean?

G: Well, you know, bad. Naughty.

E: Nope, don't get it.

A: Me either

G: Immoral?

A: Nope, don't know about that

G: Malignant?

E: Doesn't mean anything to me....

G: Iniquitous? Injurious?

A: Don't get it.

G: Execrable?

E:  Err...

G: Pernicious!

A: Sorry, that's not helping

G: OK... Err...  Nefarious. Damnable. Villainous?

E: Nope

G: What about.... Evil? You know, the opposite of good?

A: Look, God, we don't know what any of that is...

G: Don't you two idiots know anything???


[short pause]


A: Well, no.

E: We don't

G: (exasperated): Look, I can't stand around here all day explaining it to you, sort it out for yourselves

A: OK god, see you later

E: Byyyeeeee!


[pause, god leaves]


E: Why can't we eat that fruit again Adam?

A: buggered if I know.


And that's exactly how it went.

So, original sin, right? How did Adam and Eve know it was a bad thing to eat the fruit if they had no idea what good and evil were? The knowledge of relative value judgements is a requirement in discriminating between a good and bad outcome.

How, then, would they know it wasn't a good thing to eat the fruit?

Because god told them not to?

Ah, but there's no way of knowing if disobeying god is a bad thing. they have no knowledge of good and evil, remember?

Because God, In Genesis 2, tells Adam he will surely die?

Well, no. The serpent says "of course you won't die" in Genesis 3, and again, there is no way for Adam and Eve to know that believing this is a bad thing. They have no knowledge of good or evil yet.

But shouldn't they believe god over a snake? Again, they have no way of making that judgement. And it appears the snake was smarter than this god guy, anyway. Besides, the snake is talking to Eve. God told Adam about the tree and the whole dying thing before she came along. Seriously. Even if she was able to make the good/bad judgement, she wouldn't be choosing between the word of god and the word of a snake.

And you know what else? God put the serpent there, and put the fruit there, and put the humans there. And made sure the humans were curious, dumb, gullible, and had a taste for fruit. And that they lacked the necessary mental faculty to follow the rules.

It's that beardy guy's fault that these elements came together.

It's exactly as if I'd put my dog into a room with a delicious biscuit, then punished him for eating it when I went away. For ever. And his descendents.

Three options:

1. God is dumb
2. God is an evil troll
3. God doesn't exist and it's all a fairytale


posted @ Wednesday, November 25, 2009 6:36 PM


Comments on this entry:

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Sean the Blogonaut at 11/25/2009 8:30 PM
Your taking it out of context :D

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Natali at 11/26/2009 9:48 AM
Don't hate on trolls, man.

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Jason at 11/26/2009 10:16 AM
Me? Hating on trolls?

I love trolls


I just don't like properly *evil* ones

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by A Well Known Native American at 12/6/2009 12:26 PM
I had to email that to my Dad...Hoping his Catholic wife has a good read of it!

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Daniel Burnson at 4/5/2010 1:07 PM
No better source than an atheist to tell us about God, right? Do you even take yourself serious? How can you claim to know anything about a God that doesn't exist? Atheist? I think not. Seriously, in the absense of God, what does it matter that someone else believes in Him? Does it hurt you? Does it change the time-space continuum? Doubtful. The truth is, you have to try to convince YOURSELF that there is no God because you don't like what He has to say. In order to do that, you build up this grand argument about why God doesn't exist, then it becomes your mission to try to convince others because it one tends to more readily believe something that someone else does. The whole group psychology thing. My big question to someone who doesn't belive in God is, if life sucks so much, why do you still try to live? Isn't death way more pleasant an idea? I'm not saying kill yourself, I'm just saying party hard, get the most out of life before you die. 'Cause everybody dies. But not everyone truely lives. We're all trying to survive, but to what end? So you can wake up the next day and do the exact same thing? LAME.

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Daniel Burnson at 4/5/2010 1:10 PM
4th option. We're dumb.

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Jason at 4/5/2010 5:50 PM
"My big question to someone who doesn't belive in God is, if life sucks so much, why do you still try to live?"


Who said life sucks? Not I. I think that may have been you. Take your Strawman and shove him, Daniel

"Seriously, in the absense of God, what does it matter that someone else believes in Him?"

Because beliefs inform actions and people with stupid beliefs often take very stupid actions. Eliminate the belief and you're at least part of the way to making the world a better place.

Think beliefs can't hurt? Start at http://www.whatstheharm.net/ , then come back and apologise for being such a craven buffoon.

# re: A conversation in the garden

Left by Living4christ at 5/5/2010 12:45 AM

Open your heart to God. Be blessed.


Troll who finds the bible a waste of time
(PS: Spot on mate with the blog)
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